Not as odd, or in some cases it may be viewed as being not as twisted or whatever as the last but hell, I was the happiest I'd been in weeks, maybe months, and just looked back.
So today I wanted to write more for this, but I feel that I am in way too happy a mood to even attempt to delve into the darkest places in my mind and such, so I've got a few quotes to add to the afore-mentioned reddit one that I Feel Reflect my life:
"No one cares when you’re down in the gutter
Got no friends got no lover" - Placebo,
"I need a change, I need a change of skin" - Placebo,
"Slow Motion Suicide" - Placebo
"I reject your reality, and substitute my own" - Mythbuster Adam Savage,
"Any nation who gives up a little freedom to gain some security loses both, and deserves neither" - George Washington
(That last one I just like, however it could be considered as a concept that can be applied to several situations, such as giving up a part of who you are to fit in better)
After much deliberation I've decided a slightly more sane and coherent version of myself posting something here may be a good idea. Overall, although I believe that my problems social and otherwise all root from my paranoia bouts, I refuse to accept this fact and try and defeat the root problem of it, and instead rather attempt to simply manage the bouts of it when they arrive, so that I may go on living peacefully and happily. Often I have been told to go see a shrink, my response in most of these cases "find someone who'll listen and I'll talk", this is a statement that I find most people back down to, and the friend who I talked these issues out with only seemed to listen as I broke the subject into the conversation quite abruptly near the start, forcing him to engage or at least take notice of the stream of messages I had sent him. This shows that I trust a very small number of people, and infact none of them enough to tell them these statements out of true trust, rather than the afore mentioned case, in which it was building up and I felt I may fall into a perpetual state of depression if I had not confronted someone and let it all out, all the confusion and depression, probably ruining his night, but also saving my own, and many more to come, recently I have found that I am growing steadily more tired sooner each night, this seems to be something that I can not combat no matter how I try, fall asleep earlier, wake later, fall asleep later, wake earlier, any combination of the three seems to fail, leaving me with a bout of tiredness often leading to my depression, however I seem to have avoided the depression as of late.
Also, I feel I often cant actually participate in many conversations which people I know and are regularly around have, as of late they have often been about relationships, or other such things which I have little knowledge of, making me feel like an outcast tag along who's only there to make up numbers, why that would be the case I'll never know, but it is.
That's enough for today.
Hell of a lot written for two days posts, and doubt I'll be depressed enough to write a large part of this for a while, so you'll be reading my regular thoughts on everything, from how I think to how I act, for quite a while
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